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Ghost Written Romance April 26, 2007

Posted by Gerry Baron in Sweet Nothings, Things to do.
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 Young man writing

As Steve and I prepare to write a book, we have been doing research about the process.  I was quite surprised to discover that several well-known speakers and authors use ghost writers.  A ghost writer is someone who writes on behalf of the author in part or in whole.  Considering that many authors are tremendously busy as they travel around the world on speaking engagements to help promote their books (and generate income), the concept of using a ghost writer began to make sense to me. 

An author who finds a good ghost writer able to take the ideas that are in their thoughts and put those ideas into words that make the reader respond the way the author intended is incredibly fortunate.  The reason is that the ghost writer can focus on articulating the ideas in writing while the speaker/author concentrates on delivering the ideas to live audiences.  In essence, they multiply themselves.

What does this have to do with romance? 

I have come across a few sites that specialize in writing poetry and love letters for their clients.   It got me thinking about whether this is a service that By Husbands For Husbands should recommend to its members.

The story “Cyrano de Bergerac” by Edmond Rostand came to mind.  For those who haven’t heard of this story, it’s the story of a man with a huge bulbous nose named Cyrano who is incredibly eloquent.  He falls in love with a beautiful woman named Roxanne who is much sought after.  Unfortunately Roxanne, in turn, is interested in the young and handsome Christian.  She asks Cyrano to help hook her up with Christian.  Christian, upon finding out about Roxanne’s interests wants to impress her.  Unfortunately, he is clueless about how to express himself in words.  He enlists Cyrano’s help to write poetry that he can recite to Roxanne.  Roxanne falls in love with Christian by virtue of the beautiful words he uses only to later find out that Cyrano was really the man she fell in love with.

Remembering this story solidified my belief that unlike commercial books, sentiments of the heart cannot and should not be ghost written.  The person you care about wants to hear how you feel about them in your own words. 

I believe that the reason the greeting card industry is so huge and that businesses exist to sell ghost written marriage vows, marriage proposals, love notes, and poems is that people are not willing to invest the time to truly explore their feelings.  They allow the hustle and bustle of life control them and convince themselves that they don’t have the time or the talent to express themselves in words.

Our society has lost the fine art of written communication.  It’s been taken over by acronyms and acrostics, LOL! 

I think that it’s time for us to take the time to reflect on our wives.  Let’s think about her attributes that attracted us to her in the first place…her drive, her beauty, her independence, her gentleness, her intelligence, her scent, her voice, … and then tell her about them. 

One of our callers left a message about how he wrote about 40 things that he loved about his wife on little slips of paper.  He put them in a jar for her to pull out whenever she got a little miffed at him. 

How long of a list can you come up with for your wife?  Start right now and see how many things you can think of.  I can tell you that my wife always softens up when I start to recite the list of things that I love about her. 

If your list is notvery long, it’s time to start spending time with her again.  Date her, romance her, and woo her once again.  Bring back those feelings that got you together in the first place.  Get suggestions from some of our other posts and Podcast segments.

It’s never too late! 


Hitting the Right Note April 22, 2007

Posted by Gerry Baron in Hero Moments, Sweet Nothings, Things to do.
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One day when my wife and I were both at church for meetings, I was inspired to leave her a little note.  I found a colorful napkin and wrote a short note – “To the most beautiful woman at VWC.  I love you.” 

Love Note on a Napkin

I put the note on the driver’s side seat of the car.

As soon as she got into the car, she saw the note and called me immediately.  She was ecstatic that I did such a simple thing to show my love for her.  When she got home, she told me how special it made her feel to see my note.

Our wives don’t need much from us.  A little bit of attention can go a long way.  Go ahead and hit the right note with your wife.

How do I become More Romantic? – #1 Getting Started April 9, 2007

Posted by Steve Worthy in Husbands are doing, Marriage, Romance Leadership, Romantic Husband, Sweet Nothings, Things to do.

The number #1 problem we hear from men when it comes to romance is, “I don’t know where to or how to get started”. Now this is a common problem for most people, whether you have to write speech, create a presentation for work or complete a research paper for Grad School. The paralysis of analysis is forever present in our lives when it comes to getting started, in Any Thing, let alone, trying to create romantic ideas for your wife.

I wanted to present some things that can give you a jumpstart and really make the romance process simple and easy. However, it will take some commitment; remember our third step in romance execution: Stay Consistent.

Most men are good at starting something (self included), but are not really good finishers. Just take a look at that garage reorganization you started; one side looks great but the other side, well that’s another story. What about that boat you started to repair and it’s sitting in your driveway with the hood up and tools all around.
Hey guys, no one is perfect. I just wanted you know that you are not alone. So here are some concepts that will give you a jumpstart:

    Got a Minute?

Lack of motion is the number killer of ideas. Listen getting started is not about knowing exactly what to do. But it’s really about setting yourself up with a system that provides clear direction and keeps you moving forward. You will need to carve out time 4-5 times a week to jot develop an idea bank of romantic ideas. Guys, I know that we can get so bogged down with work, ministry or activities, but the relationship with our wives must supersede these things.

    Write it down – create a list

Once you carve out the time on your Blackberry, you will need to write it down. We suggest purchasing a notebook or working in a word document that can be easily uploaded. However, the goal is write your ideas down and make them highly accessible so you can refer to them when necessary.

    Do you know your wife?

As evident by our surveys from both Husbands and Wives, there appears to be a disconnect when it comes to knowing our spouse. This disconnect involves our idea of what they (wives) want – in romance – and what we (husbands) deem appropriate in the area of romance. So this begs the question, how well do you know your wife, guys – when it comes to romance? Guys, it would bode better for us when creating our list if we had a better understanding of our wives – dislikes and likes.

Most of the time we (husbands) over-shoot our wives expectation.

We try to give them the White Knight on a Horse (like in the movie pretty woman), when they simple want a nice dinner that YOU prepared. So we suggest that you study your wife for a few weeks, what types of movies does she watch, what types of programs does she watch on TV, what types of books does she read, what stores does she like to shop at? Answers to all these will help you take stock of her personality and give you a better sense of how to approach her in a romantic setting.

Give me your thoughts…

Romance Survey – What the Wives Are Saying :) April 1, 2007

Posted by Steve Worthy in Appreciation, Date Night, Getting Married, Marriage, Romance Leadership, Romantic Husband, Staying Married, Sweet Nothings, Things to do, Tools to Use, Wives are saying.
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Romance Survey Results – Question One

When we conducted our survey with nearly 1000 women, we were initially optimistic about the results.   We wanted husbands to score very well in the area of romance.  Reality, however, set in with our first round of results which subsequently became better.

Not all husbands need help in the area of romance.  There are those brave and creative souls that have never lost the zeal and desire to consistently create a romantic environment in their homes. They understand what we call the four keys to romance:

1. Get Started
2. Keep it Simple
3. Stay Consistent
4. Create Meaning

These men are adored by their wives and envied by some men.

Let’s get to the results of the survey.

We asked “How would you rate your husband in the area of romance on a scale of 1-5? (1 meaning the husband exhibits none of these attributes)”

• Frequency (the number of occurrences in a given period of time, i.e., a month)
• Creativity (ability to generate new ideas)
• Variety (assortment of activities)

The Results:

29% said their husbands were Moderately Frequent in Romance Frequency
53% said their husbands were Low in Romance Frequency

24% said their husbands were Low in Creativity
41% said their husbands were Moderately  Creative

24% said their husbands were Low in Variety
35% said their husbands were Moderate in Variety

How do you think your wife would rate you?

The purpose of this survey is not to embarrass husbands.  It is to show the apparent disconnect that exists between our view of our “romance quotient” and our wives’ perception.

Ask yourself how this disparity affects you and your relationship with your wife.

Tomorrow, I will present the results to the second question – “Describe some romantic gestures you would like from your husbands” .

Creative Love Letter Ideas – Part II March 28, 2007

Posted by Gerry Baron in Appreciation, Sweet Nothings, Things to do.
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Love is Puzzling
Write a letter on the back of a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle, then take it apart and let her put it together again.

Video Letter
Send your wife a video cassette of yourself telling everything you want your special person to know.

Extra-Special Love Letters
Here are a few things you can do to spice up your love letters and cards to your wife. 
(1) Decorate the envelope with hand drawings or stickers.
(2) Scent the envelope and card with her favorite cologne.  A good way to accomplish this is to put cologne on your wrist before you start writing. As your wrist moves across the paper, it’ll be scented.
(3) Write something on the flap of the envelope, so the first thing she sees when she opens the envelope is an, “I love you” or something else.

Say “I Love You” In A Different Language
Get a friend to help you write a handwritten love letter to your wife in a language she doesn’t speak or understand.  Give it to her with something you treasure. She will have a memorable time getting the letter translated.

Laundry Surprise
If your wife does your laundry, write her a love letter and leave it in one of your pockets. On laundry day she will find it while checking for forget me’s. Make sure to write her name on it so she will read it, and not just toss it in the waste.

Word Search
When sending your wife a card or letter, handwrite a word search puzzle on the envelope with the words “I Love You” hidden and ask her to find the hidden phrase.

Rescue Me
Get a big glass bottle with a cork on top. Glue sand, shells, sea weed, etc. on the outside of the bottle to make it look like the bottle has been laying on the sand for a very long time.  Make a photocopy of your driver’s license or another picture of you.  Write a letter about how you met and how you feel now.  Roll the photocopy and the letter and place them in the bottle.  Present the bottle to your wife.

A Ransom Note
Find something that your wife cherishes and kidnap it.  Make a ransom letter by cutting letters out of the newspaper.  Take a picture of the kidnapped item and include it in the ransom letter.  Tell your wife what you want in return for giving back her cherished item.

Candy Bar Card
Write your wife a letter using candy bars to spell out the letters on a poster board.

Covered In Love
Write a surprise love letter to your wife on a bed sheet (you probably want to go out and buy one for this).

An Overlooked I Love You
Cut out nine small paper hearts and write one letter of “I LOVE YOU!” on each.  Put the hearts in an envelope with a sheet of paper. On the paper, make outlines of the hearts with nine reasons why you love your wife.

Creative Love Letter Ideas – Part I March 27, 2007

Posted by Gerry Baron in Appreciation, Sweet Nothings, Things to do.
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An Audio Tape Love Letter
Send your wife an audio cassette tape with a love letter written in gold pen on the magnetic tape.  Put a tab on the end of the tape that says “pull me” so that she knows to pull out the tape to start reading the letter. 

Message In A Bottle
Write your wife a love letter and put it in a bottle.  Mail the bottle to her. 

Secret Admirer
Pretend to be your wife’s secret admirer. Type a glorious infatuation letter to conceal your handwriting. Try to make sure there are no tips to give you away, but put hints in it that would make her think it might be somebody else she knows. Use things you might know about her job, or places she might go, but things other people can also know. Sign it Your Secret Admirer, and send it to her by mail. Send flowers, candy, poetry, and anything else you can think of anonymously. Do this for a week or even as long as a month before letting her know that you are her secret admirer.

A Treasure Hunt
Set up a treasure hunt to have your wife go around the house finding “clues” to the location of a love letter.  Hide clues in the cookie jar, ice cream container, under her pillow, in the bathroom, on the tv, in her dresser, in her shoes, and so on.  The last clue leads her to the location of the love letter.

A Single Rose Love Letter
Purchase a rose and pluck off some of the petals.  On each petal you pluck off, attach a 1 sentence note to your wife telling her how much she means to you.  Placed the rose and the petals with the notes face down in a box that you present to her.

Say it with their name
Send your wife as many roses as the number of letters in her name.  With each rose, write a message starting with the first letter of their name. Underline the first letter of every message.

Another Message in a Bottle
The next time you surprise your wife with a bubble bath, write a love letter, stick it in a bottle, cork it, and float it in the bath water.

Refrigerator Love Notes
Buy magnetic letters and use them to write your wife a love note on the refrigerator.

Love Note on the Mirror
Use a soap bar and write your romantic message on the bathroom mirror. It won’t do damage to mirror and is easy to get off with a little water.

Book of Love
Write a letter about each of the things that you love about your wife and how much she means to you.  Put all the letters together into a little book and give it to her on a special occasion.

A Note A Day
When your wife goes away for vacation or a short trip, write a love letter on a separate page of a pink colored notepad for each day that she’s gone.

Words to melt your wife’s heart March 14, 2007

Posted by Gerry Baron in Sweet Nothings.
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One goal of romancing your wife is to melt her heart.  Words have a powerful way of doing that.  Why else is there a greeting card industry with over 7 billion greeting cards being purchased each year generating nearly $7.5 billion in retail sales (Greeting Card Association website)?

This posting at the Love and Romance Blog provides a list of phrases that you can use to melt your wife’s heart (http://loveviewfinder.com/dating-after-40/what-melts-your-heart.html).  Try some of them and let us know how they work for you.