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10 Romance Ideas.. July 28, 2007

Posted by Steve Worthy in Date Night, Hero Moments, Husbands are doing, romance, Staying Married.
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Fly Kite

Here you guys, these are free of charge use them wisely and have fun with it. You can always take these ideas and put your own spin on them.

1. Touch
Touch your spouse lovingly at least five times a day. Kissing, hugging, and hand-holding are all healthy touch points. Try to make each touch point meaningful, letting your spouse know that he or she is in your thoughts every day.

2. Talk
The average couple talks only four minutes a day. It’s no wonder spouses don’t feel close and loved. Four days a week, plan at least 45 minutes when you can be alone together and do something you both enjoy. These aren’t times to talk about problems, but rather to increase your easy-going time together.

3. Date
One night a week, come hell or high water, you and your spouse should go out alone to enjoy each other’s company. You can do anything, go anywhere, and talk about anything except three things: money, children, and work (unless it’s exciting stuff – for example, I got a promotion).

4. Have a honeymoon night
At least once a month, plan a fabulous night of romance and lovemaking. Plan the details: a wonderful meal; a fun time out on a date; a romantic movie – anything that screams ‘romance’ to you. Make this the recharging night that will advance your relationship beyond words.

5. Bring her flowers that remind you of her and write her a poem, celebrating her.

6. Surprise her with romantic dinner out – don’t tell her where you are going.

7. Take her dancing and treat her as if it’s your first date.

8. Fill the house (or just the bedroom) with candles and flowers, and spend the whole evening along with her.

9. Spend an hour at sunset telling her what you cherish about her and how she adds to your life.

10. Leave a note under her windshield wiper at work.

Honey, its Wednesday…time for Sex… July 1, 2007

Posted by Steve Worthy in Uncategorized, Romantic Husband, Date Night, Marriage, Staying Married, Sex, romance.
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Time for Sex

- Two kids, 6 and 3
– Wife in Grad School
– Teaching at two different colleges
– Just started back in Grad School
– Running two businesses

Who has time for sex? I know most of you guys can either relate or you let out a big “Gasp”. Blasphemy…Blasphemy… Well to be very honest, most guys including myself are always ready for sex. We can be dead tired from a long day of work and dealing with that insufferable boss. But, let our wife come out of the room with some sexy lingerie on and BONG, “Private Johnson reporting for Duty!!!”

The truth of the matter is most marriages are busy and intimacy wanes in comparison with other activities. So one day my wife presented the idea of having set days in the week for Sex. At first I was like, “are you crazy, I want our lovemaking to spontaneous and fun…having set days takes the fun out of it.” On the contrary, it actually increases the awareness and anticipation. Just imagine it’s Wednesday afternoon and you have been having a rotten day, reports upon reports, bad email after bad email and now you’re stuck in traffic. You remember, “Dude, its Wednesday, Private Johnson Reporting for Duty”. Second, since women are wired differently than men, your wife has been getting herself worked up all day. You see women are like Crotch pots, they take some time to get things warm, but when its time, its time. Men of course are like light switches, flick the switch and we are on. Poor analogies, but you get my meaning.

Now let me say this having set days does not remove the quickies in between each day. Also it’s not saying you have to do it on those exact days. Set days are really just a bookmark for the couple. These are set times for intimacy which could be used for sex, movies, dates or cuddling – Just cuddling Guys. I know that sucks, but hey if it makes her happy, then do it.

What do you think?

By Husbands For Husband – Radio Interview May 14, 2007

Posted by Steve Worthy in Books, Date Night, Romance Leadership, Things to do.
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Blue

Listen to Gerry and Steve as they are interviewed by one BlogTalkRadio’s most popular radio host, Ms. Blue. They will be discussing the By Husbands For Husbands concept, our upcoming book and provide tips on how Husbands can Become Heroes.

Monday May 14, @ 9PM EST

Click here for more details…

How a husband speaks “woman” May 12, 2007

Posted by Gerry Baron in Appreciation, Date Night, Marriage, romance, Romance Leadership, Romantic Husband, Things to do.
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 Couple talking

There’s no denying it.  Our wives are a mystery to us.  It’s a struggle to figure out the best way to communicate with them.  In our mind we may be doing the best that we can and somehow it still seems to fall short of what they expect.

Our problem is that we don’t know how to speak “woman”.  Men are not wired the same way that women are.  That’s no surprise.  Yet unless we learn to appreciate and understand what our wives need, we’ll continue to remain clueless.

This article is a guide to speaking “woman”.  You’ll learn 4 things that our wives desire from us.  For each of these desires, there are practical steps that you can take immediately to being to speak to your wife’s heart.

Our wives are looking for the following 4 things from us:

  1. Companionship
  2. Security
  3. Significance
  4. Emotional Responsiveness

What can we do to meet these needs?  There are 3 levels of action that we can take – “Must Do”, “Can Do”, “Courage To Do”.  “Must Do” actions are the bare minimum.  If you intend to have any type of relationship with your wife, you must take these actions.  “Can Do” actions go a step further.  They require you to invest more time and thought.  “Courage To Do” actions are those that only a few men have the guts to step up to.  They demand the greatest level of selflessness and service.  Let’s take a look at our action plan to enhance our relationship with our wives.

Companionship

Must Do Actions
Regularly “date” your wife. Seek to do something unconventional and unusual.  Go beyond merely taking her out to dinner.  Make the time together memorable.  We can give you some ideas or help you plan your date night.

Can Do Actions
Find something fun to do that both of you enjoy doing.  For my wife and I, that’s ballroom dancing.  It’s a shared hobby so neither one of us feels that we’re putting up with something that the other likes.  We both look forward to learning more about dancing.

Courage To Do Actions
Plan a special getaway just for the 2 of you.  Make it your goal to ensure that the time away is memorable – the type of vacation she talks about for years.  We can help with this too.  Listen to “Interview – Willie Celebrates His 15th Anniversary” on the By Husbands For Husbands Podcast to hear about some of the things we did to help a client make his 15th wedding anniversary special.

Security

Must Do Actions
From time to time, tell your wife how committed you are to her.  Your wedding anniversary, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day (if you have children), and her birthday are all good times to do this.

Can Do Actions
Establish financial disciplines and avoid debt as much as possible.  Have a security plan for your wife that includes life insurance, retirement, savings, health, disability, and education (for her and the children).  Ensure that nothing disrupts the plan by establishing a thorough will.

Courage To Do Actions
Seek to manage your lifestyle such that your income is sufficient and your wife does not feel the pressure to have to work, especially when you are raising your children.

Significance

Must Do Actions
Regularly tell your wife what value she brings into your life and how important she is to you.  Be specific and don’t wimp out by just saying “Honey you are so special to me.”  Give her evidence of things that she does that you consider to be valuable and meaningful.  “Darling I value you because you do such a good job with the children and that gives me more confidence when we are out in public.”

Can Do Actions
Surprise you wife with a “note of praise” or a night out just to celebrate her.

Courage To Do Actions
Devote a day to lavishing her with attention and praise.  Overwhelm her with adoration.

Emotional Responsiveness

Must Do Actions
Tell your wife “I love you” several times during the day.  Don’t wait for her to say “I love you” then respond with “me too” or “I love you too”.  Take the lead.

Can Do Actions
Find out how your wife is doing.  A friend of mine suggested something he called “The First 5 Minutes”.  He challenged me to spend the 1st 5 minutes when I get home from work focused on my wife.  No detour to read the mail, check my E-Mail, or watch the news.  My 1st priority was to be around her for those 5 minutes and let her tell me about her day. 

Courage To Do Actions
Put your feelings for your wife into words.  Although you might use a greeting card to give you idea starters, be original and creative in telling her why you love and admire her.

When you put these actions into practice, you will see your wife respond in new ways.  She will know that you care enough to put her first.  Your marriage will never be the same.

Feel free to write me at gbaron@byhusbandsforhusbands.comif you have questions or want to tell me about your experience in speaking “woman”.

Top cities for baby boomer romance April 21, 2007

Posted by Gerry Baron in Romantic Husband, Date Night, Staying Married, Romance Leadership, Things to do, romance.
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A study by Bob Sperling’s “Sperling’s Best Places” tried to determine the cities where baby boomers are living life most romantically.  Using U.S. census data, the study selected the population aged 45 to 60 years in the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the United States.  It ranked these cities on factors such as marital status (including divorce rate); sales of jewelry, candy, and flowers; and the presence of romantic activities which signified a high degree of romantic participation for the target age group (e.g., ballroom dancing and fine dining options) to determine the most romantic cities. 

The 10 cities determined to be tops in romance were:

  1. Pittsburgh, PA
  2. Salt Lake City-Ogden, UT
  3. Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill, NC
  4. Providence, RI/Fall River-Warwick, MA
  5. Charlotte-Gastonia, NC/Rock Hill, SC
  6. Hartford, CT
  7. Minneapolis-St. Paul, MN
  8. Rochester, NY
  9. Dallas, TX
  10. Houston, TX  

Whether you are a baby boomer or not, how are you doing in romancing your wife?  When was the last time you bought her flowers when she did not expect it?  Have you responded to her plea to spend time alone with you? 

It’s not too late.  Check out some of our postings for ideas you can use immediately to spark the romance.

For those interested, here is how the other 40 cities studied fared.

11. Cincinnati, OH
12. Boston, MA
13. Honolulu, HI
14. Philadelphia, PA
15. Kansas City, MO
16. New York, NY
17. Nashville, TN
18. Buffalo-Niagara Falls, NY
19. Orlando, FL
20. Atlanta, GA
21. Richmond-Petersburg, VA
22. Chicago, IL
23. Milwaukee-Waukesha, WI
24. St. Louis, MO
25. Indianapolis, IN
26. Oklahoma City, OK
27. Portland, OR/Vancouver, WA
28. Norfolk-Virginia Beach, VA/Newport News, NC
29. Washington, DC
30. Seattle-Bellevue-Everett, WA
31. San Antonio, TX
32. Austin-San Marcos, TX
33. Jacksonville, FL
34. Cleveland-Lorain-Elyria, OH
35. Louisville, KY
36. Birmingham, AL
37. San Francisco, CA
38. Phoenix-Mesa, AZ
39. Columbus, OH
40. Baltimore, MD
41. Los Angeles-Long Beach, CA
42. Denver, CO
43. Detroit, MI
44. Tampa-St. Petersburg-Clearwater, FL
45. San Diego, CA
46. Tucson, AZ
47. Las Vegas, NV
48. Sacramento, CA
49. Miami, FL
50. Memphis, TN

How do I become More Romanctic? – #3 Stay Consistent April 11, 2007

Posted by Steve Worthy in Date Night, Getting Married, Husbands are doing, Romance Leadership, Staying Married.
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One thing my wife told me a long time ago is, “I can only take you at your word, if your words and your actions don’t align, what am I to think.” My thoughts were WOW!! You are probably wondering, “Steve, did you screw up that bad? The answers is no. This bold and very true statement was made to me while we were dating. However, I have never forgotten it in our eight years of marriage. However, being human and not perfect, on occasion my words and actions do not always lineup. Most men would like to think that we have all the answers and that we are always on target and we don’t miss a beat. The painful truth is we (husbands) do blow it from time to time. Can we fix this? Of course. Let me introduce our third romantic secret that will help you not only in you romantic life, but your entire marriage: Stay Consistent.

This is tough for husbands due to the fact that our lives are being pulled from so many different angles: work, school, kids, ministry wife, ESPN, Golf Channel, and Nextel Cup. What do we focus on and when do we find the time to focus on romance with our wives. One thing to bear in mind is that our romantic secrets build on each another. If you begin by (1) Getting Started and (2) Keep It Simple Stupid, then staying consistent should not be a problem. Why? Because it’s a process and if you are like most men (Steve included) a Process – is the best thing since Monday Night Football, Tiger Woods in the lead on Sunday, DIY –Do It Yourself Network or the Nextel Cup Series.

However you slice it, following a process makes things easier and creates a consistent pattern. But, let me provide some additional keys to staying consistent in your romantic life:

Take Action Every Day

We all have a to do list. I typically rise early in the morning, have some quiet time. Then it’s off to the races. I create my to do list for the day and I begin checking things off as I go. Now in today’s vernacular: We check our Blackberry – send 40 emails, have our quiet (maybe), create our to do list, then its back to the “Crackberry” oh, I mean Blackberry. How about adding a romantic gesture or plan a date on that To Do List. What about sending your wife a nice email before your check yours and get caught up in the daily grind. Or use your calendar to mark off date nights or other important dates. Read our Blog or visit our community bulletin board – shameless plug (new site to be launched next week, really cool stuff!!!) – to get some tips.

Visualization

If you have not already noticed, I’m a big golf fan. One thing I have always been taught is to visualize your shot. Most of the time it works. Can you visualize the look on your wife’s face each and every time you do a small romantic gesture on a consistent basis? How about the look on your daughter’s or son’s face when they see how a man really treats a woman. Our (Gerry and I) wives are the case study for a lot of our romantic suggestions. Every time we come up with something we test it out on them to see if works. We have the 14 or 7 days of Love concept – see shop. Where we gave our wives a different word in a card that when put together made a romantic phrase (sounds sappy but they loved it) and/or a small gift for the 14 or 7 days leading up to a special date, whether it our anniversary, birthday, etc. Well to make a long story short, we both started the process and on day five we (Gerry and I) purposely missed presenting our wives with a gift and card that day. What do you think happen? My wife was like, “Dude, where’s my gift?” Now this is an extreme case – seven days straight is not the norm. But, I think I made my point. Visualize the look on your wife’s face each and every time you do something romantic and unexpected. It’s worth it!!

Accountability – Maintain a Support System

A quick question husbands. Who are you accountable to? Sad to say that most men are an island unto themselves. Men that’s not good. Accountability is sometimes seen as an ugly word, where other people prey into your business, but true “accountability” is not that way at all. It’s so important that men, especially husbands have other married men – that understand their pain – who they can talk to about everything, including romantic ideas with their wives. Second, accountability helps husbands remain consistent in our actions on the job and at home. When you have a good friend or group of friends that can tell you the truth about yourself, you have a powerful friendship indeed.

What do you think? What are some of the things you can do to remain consistent?

Home-based Dating April 8, 2007

Posted by Gerry Baron in Date Night, Things to do.
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So often we think that date night means we have to take our wives out somewhere to have a date night.  What about a date night at home?

It can be less stressful for both of you if you take the time to plan a date night at home.  No worries about leaving the office in time to get home or about your wife being ready for you to get where you are going on time.  And your wife does not have to stress about what she’s going to wear.  Just make sure you take care of the babysitter like any other date night because you want to be home alone for your date.

Here are some things you can do to have a nice date night in the comfort of your own home…

  • Romantic Marshmallow Roast
    You can use your BBQ grill or fireplace to make smores.  Roast marshmallows over the flame, add chocolate and graham crackers, then cuddle together to enjoy this tasty treat.
  • Romantic Movie Night
    Order or pickup a romantic movie and chill with your lover on the couch under a warm blanket.  Make the setting complete by having hot buttered popcorn, soda, and movie candy (e.g., Goobers, Raisinets, Dots, Milk Duds).
  • Romantic Game Night
    Tucked away in your closet you probably have several old-school board games and card games. Pick a few out and challenge each other to a game of Monopoly, Trouble, Scrabble, or Yahtzee. Throw in a twist by adding sexy rules and creative bets – the loser does whatever the winner wants!
  • Romantic Reading
    Grab your softest blanket, intertwine your legs, and spend the night reading together in a cozy spot. You can read the same book to each other or each read your own favorites, stopping frequently to share interesting passages.
  • Romantic Cooking
    Cook your favorite meal together.  Make it fun by adding some spice to the cooking experience, not just to the food!  Wear just an apron and she’ll be like melted butter in your hands.
  • Romantic Picnic
    On a moonlit evening, open the curtains and blinds in one of your larger rooms facing the moon so that you can bathe in the light of the full moon.  Clear an area near a window to set out a picnic blanket. Lay out your favorite picnic spread and spend some quality time with your sweetheart.

Try one or more of these ideas and let us know the results.

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