This morning my wife and I were discussing the level of intimacy that we are experiencing right now.  It’s remarkable to both of us because we are more intimate than we have ever been before.  Neither one of us ever thought that it would be possible.

Nearly 20 years ago on the second day of our honeymoon, a confession was made.  The response to that confession set our marriage on a course of destruction for the next 19 years because of the big lie – “Things will never be the same again”. 

This single false statement framed our thoughts, feeligs, and actions.  It opened the door to unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, wrath, revenge, contempt, and infidelity.  As long as our circumstances were viewed through the filter of this lie, it was impossible for us to see the truth about the other person.  One example of how this work is the interpretation of what happened at that fateful moment on my honeymoon.

When the confession was made, the immediate thoughts were:

• “How could they do this to me?”
• “How could I have been so deceived?”
• “Why didn’t they tell me before?”
• “What did I do to deserve this?
• “Why did you allow this to happen God?”

These are genuine questions that fueled genuine emotions of disappointment and anger.   Because of the big lie, there was no possiblity of believing that there was a good reason for what happened.  And that’s why it’s a big lie…

The reality of the situation is that the root of the incident that had to be confessed was fear and insecurity.  The action taken was driven by those lies and was covered up by another lie – “they’re probably doing the same thing too”.  Once the big lie was recognized and discarded, the perspective changed.  Instead of the injured party viewing the incident as “something that was done to them”, they saw it as “the unfortunate results of the other person’s human frailty”.  What a difference that made! 

Grace, forgiveness, and compassion flowed with the elimination of the big lie.  All the other negative emotions dissipated.

We all live with big lies in our lives.  The problem is that we generally do not have the courage to root them out.  We develop defense mechanisms that allow us to cope with them and ultimately become prisoners to these lies.

Free yourself!  Have the guts to examine the big lies in your life and break free from their chains.  Live a full life.  Enjoy your spouse.