I was at lunch last week and saw something that made me think about the importance of exhibiting leadership in romance.  While finishing my sandwich at Blimpie’s, I observed the following…

A father was eating with his daughter.  She looked like she was 7 or 8 years old.  As you can imagine, she was excited about being with her dad and couldn’t stop talking.  Her father, on the other hand, seemed disinterested.  Most of the time while she was talking, he was looking out of the window.  I bet I heard more (and probably even cared more) about the fun she had with her friends than he did.  He finished his lunch.  It was obvious that he was ready to leave.  Abruptly, he stood up, threw out his trash, and started walking towards the door.  Over his shoulder on his way out, he yells to her “let’s go! and don’t forget your trash!”.  He walks out the door and past the window near the booth where he abandoned his daughter.  His poor daughter is sitting in the booth with a bewildered look on her face.  She looks out the window at him with a questioning expression on her face - ”Why did you leave me?  What am I supposed to do?”  By this time, I have already left the store and am sitting in my car watching everythying.  I can see the father talking to what appears to be the mother and older sister.  The little girl is inside the Blimpie’s trying to figure out where the trash bin is located.  She tosses out the trash and runs out to join up with the rest of the family.

I felt and thought several things all at once.  First , my parental instincts were vexed that he left his daughter like that.  She was out of his line of sight for several minutes and someone could have easily grabbed her and ran with her.  The sad thing is that he only looked back in her direction after he had been waiting outside for a while.  I could tell he was annoyed that she was taking so long

The romance leader in me chimed in by asking a rhetorical question – “What example of the way a man treats a woman did he just provide to her?”  Instantly, I could see his daughter’s life flash before my eyes–a series of relationships with losers culminating in a marriage to a loser that doesn’t last.  All because her father communicated to her that she was not valuable enough or cherished enough for him to:

• Listen to her
• Wait for her to finish
• Throw her trash out for her
• Hold the door open for her
• Walk together with her

Steve and I often say that the principles we talk about at By Husbands For Husbands impact generations.  This was a live example of how a father’s treatment of his daughter may very well impact her life, her self-perception, and her relationships. 

The reason we are emphatic about husbands accepting the mantle of leadership for romance in their marriage relationships is that it matters so much.  A husband who romances his wife communicates…

…to her, that she is special
…to his son, that a wife should be cherished by her husband
…to his daughter, that an authentic husband nurtures his wife
…to the world, that she is precious to him

Together, let’s wage a war on self-centeredness and apathy in marriage.  Let’s stoke the flames of romance that make marriages stronger.  Let’s become those knights in shining armor willing to fight and slay the dragons and demons in the lives of our wives, thereby rescuing our damsel in distress.  When we say, “let’s go!”, it isn’t because we’ve left our wives behind and abandoned.  We say “let’s go!” as we take our wives by the hand on our next romantic journey together.