The sweetness of harmony.  This is a phrase that my friend, Matt, used the other day when we were talking about a situation that he and his wife are facing.  He was explaining that the situation was one in which he and his wife could easily be at odds.  In fact, left to his own devices, he had a specific agenda that he would want to pursue.  However, he was reveling in the harmony that he felt with his wife.  Although the potential for discord and conflict was high, he and his wife were united in their approach.

Speaking to him made me think of the stress that I have felt for so long in my own marriage relationsihp.  The stress came from the reality of trying to get my wife to agree with my point of view.  I would get so angry when she disagreed with my perspective.  “How stubborn and self-centered she is!”, I would think to myself.  My passive-aggressive tendency would come out as I refused to speak with her or would rebel against everything she asked me to do.  I acted like a real jerk.

About 18 months ago, I started the journey towards the sweetness of harmony.  Someone counseled me to “give up my rights” at about the same time that I was reading “Every Man’s Marriage”.  I rejected the concept at first.  Questions bombarded my mind:

• “Why should I give up my rights?”
• “What makes her so much more special than me?” 
• “Why can’t she give up her rights first”
• “How can I gain back everything I will lose if I give up my rights?”

I fought against making any changes until I concluded that it was the only thing I had left to do.  Everything else I tried had failed up to that point. 

Giving up my rights consisted of deciding to eradicate expectations that I had of my wife.  Gone were my expectations that she would…

… support me
… affirm me
… agree with me
… listen to me
… meet my needs
… stay with me no matter what

I also had to choose to prefer her over myself.  This means that given a choice between doing what she wants and doing what I want, I will choose to do what she wants. 

Finally, I had to stop trying to control everything in my life.  Rather than getting uptight about things working out differently than I planned, I accept the situation and make the best of it.  Gone are the days of getting angry because we’re leaving the house later than I wanted to or because she is expecting me to make dinner after being at work all day while she has been at home. 

Now the harmony we feel is like what is described in Psalm 133:

“How wonderful it is, h ow pleasant, when brothers live together in harmony!  For harmony is as precious as the fragrant anointing oil…”

Start today to lead your marriage relationship in a way that produces the sweetness of harmony.

Watch the video about harmony – Hero Thought – Harmony