There’s no denying it.  Our wives are a mystery to us.  It’s a struggle to figure out the best way to communicate with them.  In our mind we may be doing the best that we can and somehow it still seems to fall short of what they expect.

Our problem is that we don’t know how to speak “woman”.  Men are not wired the same way that women are.  That’s no surprise.  Yet unless we learn to appreciate and understand what our wives need, we’ll continue to remain clueless.

This article is a guide to speaking “woman”.  You’ll learn 4 things that our wives desire from us.  For each of these desires, there are practical steps that you can take immediately to being to speak to your wife’s heart.

Our wives are looking for the following 4 things from us:

1. Companionship
2. Security
3. Significance
4. Emotional Responsiveness

What can we do to meet these needs?  There are 3 levels of action that we can take – “Must Do”, “Can Do”, “Courage To Do”.  “Must Do” actions are the bare minimum.  If you intend to have any type of relationship with your wife, you must take these actions.  “Can Do” actions go a step further.  They require you to invest more time and thought.  “Courage To Do” actions are those that only a few men have the guts to step up to.  They demand the greatest level of selflessness and service.  Let’s take a look at our action plan to enhance our relationship with our wives.

Companionship

Must Do Actions
Regularly “date” your wife. Seek to do something unconventional and unusual.  Go beyond merely taking her out to dinner.  Make the time together memorable.  We can give you some ideas or help you plan your date night.

Can Do Actions
Find something fun to do that both of you enjoy doing.  For my wife and I, that’s ballroom dancing.  It’s a shared hobby so neither one of us feels that we’re putting up with something that the other likes.  We both look forward to learning more about dancing.

Courage To Do Actions
Plan a special getaway just for the 2 of you.  Make it your goal to ensure that the time away is memorable – the type of vacation she talks about for years.  We can help with this too.  Listen to “Interview – Willie Celebrates His 15th Anniversary” on the By Husbands For Husbands Podcast to hear about some of the things we did to help a client make his 15th wedding anniversary special.

Security

Must Do Actions
From time to time, tell your wife how committed you are to her.  Your wedding anniversary, Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day (if you have children), and her birthday are all good times to do this.

Can Do Actions
Establish financial disciplines and avoid debt as much as possible.  Have a security plan for your wife that includes life insurance, retirement, savings, health, disability, and education (for her and the children).  Ensure that nothing disrupts the plan by establishing a thorough will.

Courage To Do Actions
Seek to manage your lifestyle such that your income is sufficient and your wife does not feel the pressure to have to work, especially when you are raising your children.

Significance

Must Do Actions
Regularly tell your wife what value she brings into your life and how important she is to you.  Be specific and don’t wimp out by just saying “Honey you are so special to me.”  Give her evidence of things that she does that you consider to be valuable and meaningful.  “Darling I value you because you do such a good job with the children and that gives me more confidence when we are out in public.”

Can Do Actions
Surprise you wife with a “note of praise” or a night out just to celebrate her.

Courage To Do Actions
Devote a day to lavishing her with attention and praise.  Overwhelm her with adoration.

Emotional Responsiveness

Must Do Actions
Tell your wife “I love you” several times during the day.  Don’t wait for her to say “I love you” then respond with “me too” or “I love you too”.  Take the lead.

Can Do Actions
Find out how your wife is doing.  A friend of mine suggested something he called “The First 5 Minutes”.  He challenged me to spend the 1st 5 minutes when I get home from work focused on my wife.  No detour to read the mail, check my E-Mail, or watch the news.  My 1st priority was to be around her for those 5 minutes and let her tell me about her day. 

Courage To Do Actions
Put your feelings for your wife into words.  Although you might use a greeting card to give you idea starters, be original and creative in telling her why you love and admire her.

When you put these actions into practice, you will see your wife respond in new ways.  She will know that you care enough to put her first.  Your marriage will never be the same.

Feel free to write me at gbaron@byhusbandsforhusbands.comif you have questions or want to tell me about your experience in speaking “woman”.